PANTS ELECTRICITY

Oh no it isn’t! – Oh yes it is! – PANTS! That unfortunately was the pantomime rehearsal last night. I know that sounds harsh but it is the truth. Quite a few of the cast had been to a wedding the night before so they were tired.

Some of the young people stood on stage as if they were waiting to go in to see the dentist and wouldn’t smile in case he WHIPPED OUT their teeth.

I reminded them that we had just over two weeks to go before the first performance. Hopefully everyone will be BRIGHT-EYED AND BUSHY-TAILED for Tuesday’s nights rehearsal.

My dear ladies and occasional gentlemen, some of you will remember my problems with my ELECTRICITY provider. I have changed to a new provider and it seems that the previous company had mixed up my day and night rate, so we have been charged the wrong amount at a higher rate. I changed over in November and the two companies are still in negotiations.

I have still to be contacted by my previous provider even though they acknowledged my complaint last June 2013. It has taken what seems like hours on the telephone to try and sort out. CUSTOMER SERVICE!

We seem to be using enough ELECTRICITY to light up BUCKINGHAM PALACE!

I am not sure what the outcome will be but I can probably GUARANTEE we will still be the losers

Yours Statically

Celia

CIRCADIAN RYTHMS, NIGHT CREAMS, NECKS & RECTAL TEMERATURES

CIRCADIAN RYTHMS, NIGHT CREAMS, NECKS & RECTAL TEMPERATURES

My dear ladies and occasional gentlemen, It seems many of the BEAUTY PRODUCT providers are launching new NIGHT CREAMS that take advantage of the body’s INTERNAL CIRCADIAN RYTHMS. They say when we sleep our skin cells RENEW themselves. Call me daft if you like but if our skin cells naturally renew themselves whilst we sleep why do we need expensive DESIGNER creams?

I have been looking into INNER CIRCADIAN RYTHMS, they regulate the timing of periods of sleepiness and wakefulness during the day . Our circadian rythm dips and rises at different times of the day, not unlike other parts of the body I am thinking. The bodies RECTAL TEMPERATURE changes but I am not looking into that!

I am not averse to using creams and lotions, I am sure I enjoy using them as much as you do my dear ladies and occasional gentleman. Ronald certainly likes to apply cream.

It makes sense to moisturise after you have been for a BRACING walk in the WINTER weather or after a shower or removal of make-up. They say that a good nights sleep is still the best BEAUTY TREATMENT of all ,although sometimes harder to achieve.

IF YOU HAVE TAKEN LEAVE OF YOUR SENSES you can purchase a SILK EYE-MASK and SLIPPERS (I would advise not to wear them in bed)  for £395  to aid your sleep or you can copy me and CLOSE THE CURTAINS and pull the DUVET up over your ears.

Ladies there is also a suggestion by the beauty industry that our necks “CAN REALLY BETRAY A WOMAN’S AGE” several suggestions include a SEVEN WEEK NECK TREATMENT PLAN  costing £650. 

I SAY “LEAVE OUR NECKS ALONE!” I wasn’t worried about it until I read this article. We cannot even say that the ‘Beauty Industry’ targets us women alone. Oh no, even the gentlemen are now expected to spend a fortune on PEELING, WAXING, PLUCKING, MOISTURISING, MAKE-UP etc. Which at least makes me feel better.

What about looking yourself, a face with character. A face that shows you have lived life. Why do we all have to LOOK THE SAME. The new wave of CELEBRITIES, certainly the women all look the same. But look at our good actresses, they use their individuality to create roles, their faces wouldn’t work in roles where they need to portray REAL WOMEN.

Our young people need to express themselves in so many ways, that is what growing up and learning about life is about. So let them dye their hair, plaster pounds of make-up on, wear what they want, let them express themselves. But tell them you love them, tell them they look great, say you love their individuality. But always remember you are the parent, guardian, uncle, aunt, older brother or sister, whatever , there are times when they have to comply to the rules.

Sadly a lot of our young people are unhappy, we should be ashamed. It is up to us to change things, our children are our future, let us treasure them and guide them.

Let us all WOMEN and MEN embrace each other  and make a stand, let us give young people REAL LIFE MODELS to follow. Real people with, spots, wrinkles, lovely smiles, kindness (oops sorry had to go, Ronald served up a wonderful SUNDAY LUNCH, back now) lumps, bumps, long legs, short legs, people who can sing, who can make you laugh, who are good at hugs, who are just there for you. 

I love my body, I love Ronald’s body, I love little hirsute Roley’s body,why don’t you all love yours, it’s the only one you have.

Oh my goodness, I have just realised I have rather gone off on my SOAPBOX. I do APOLOGISE, I think the two glasses of wine may have had something to do with it.

Yours Apologetically

Celia

BULLS, BELLS & EXPLOSIONS

BULLS, BELLS & EXPLOSIONS 

Oh what a night! The RAIN was lashing down, the WIND was howling when all of a sudden an incredible EXPLOSION of sound accompanied a sky-illuminating FLASH, followed by BALL LIGHTNING bouncing across the field, scattering the poor BULL and his CONCUBINES. 

Our power went off and I ran out to make sure the poor beasts were OK or if I needed to call the Farmer. They were terrified and making distressed noises, I called to them and tried to calm them down as they huddled together against the fence, the great Bull’s shoulders heaving with fear, the cows pushing against his flanks.

The next minute I’m woken up by the sound of the CHURCH BELLS ringing out.

“Ronald WAKE-UP! the church bells are ringing it must mean somethings happened, WAKE-UP!

All I could think was that the LIGHTNING  must have started a fire in the village and the church bells were ringing out a warning.

“What? I can’t hear anything”

“The Bells, the church bells!” I realise now I must have sounded like QUASIMODO.

“Silence that’s all I can hear, you must have been dreaming”

Of course I wasn’t dreaming. I get up and open the window – SILENCE – I couldn’t believe it – SILENCE. I went through to the sitting room and looked out of the window with the torch – NO COWS. I remembered then they had been taken in for the winter. By the time I climbed back into bed even little hirsute Roley had woken up and climbed onto the bed, hiding under the comforter wondering what the heck was going on.

“Sorry, it all seemed so real, the lightning, the bells”  I don’t know if it was something I had eaten before I went to bed, or if it was watching the news with its warning of loss of life due to HIGH TIDES, HIGH WINDS AND MORE RAIN. 

Ronald wasn’t amused at first “It will take me hours to go back to sleep now” but then he saw the funny side thankf…….zzzzzzzzzzzzz

Yours Sleepily

Celia