CANINE CONTROL!

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, one of my lovely daughters gave me an AMAZON ECHO for Mother’s Day. Although I am not a one for gadgets, this one is rather marvelous. ‘ALEXA’ is very compliant unlike the STRIDENT notes of our last SAT-NAV, although the current one is far more PLEASANT.

ALEXA did turn herself on accidentally when we were watching a documentary about ALEXANDER THE GREAT but apart from that no problems. Until TODAY.

Little Hirsute Roley is a bit of a TALKER which is LOVELY  and AMUSING and it is part of his many TALENTS that we love. 

Hirsute Roley had come in from the garden, started TALKING and managed to TURN ON ALEXA!

His chosen music was ELTON JOHN singing TINY DANCER.

Now we know why ALEXA is on and MUSIC is PLAYING when we return from shopping. CANINE CONTROL.

The FACE of INNOCENCE.

Yours Doggily

Celia

SUN, NUTS & INFLATABLE FLAMINGOS!

“My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, Ronald and I are enjoying a few days away in a COTTAGE in CORNWALL.

It is EL SCORCHIO! Aren’t we lucky to have such gorgeous weather?

We are taking full advantage of our heated SWIMMING POOL then lounging in the sun to dry off.

Had a bit of bother with Ronald he will insist on STRIPPING OFF his swim shorts when leaving the pool area and drying himself off whilst standing on the lawn.

What’s wrong with that you may well ask, the problem is there a quite a few SQUIRRELS.

One  BOLD little chap clearly entranced with the sight, GLEEFULLY bounded at a pace straight for what he thought was a BANQUET of NUTS!

I don’t think he’d ever been TAKEN OUT with an INFLATABLE FLAMINGO before!

Yours Nuttily

Celia

NIGHT WALK FOR NORTH DEVON HOSPICE

Last night I had the PRIVILEGE of walking with two THOUSAND  wonderful women on the NIGHT WALK FOR NORTH DEVON HOSPICE, raising money for this invaluable service and provision of night nurses.

We were entertained along the way by the wonderful TORRINGTON CAVALIERS. The SWEETS and PROSECCO was very welcome, hic!

Walking the TARKA TRAIL the scenery was beautiful accompanied by birdsong and with the bonus of this beautiful sunset.

Although Ronald has been looking after me today, he is also laughing at me. A LOT!

He described my post-walk condition to our far-flung children as follows:  “You know when a chimpanzee walks on two legs swaying from side to side? That’s what mum looks like.”

OUTRAGEOUS!

Unfortunately my children’s sense of humour follows their father and they thought that was hilarious.

Yours Huffily

Celia

A TIT IN THE HOUSE

A TIT IN THE HOUSE I have my dear ladies and occasional gentleman, and it’s not Ronald
Although you might be fooled into thinking so 

As here he is cleaning the SHOWER.

The TIT I am referring to is a BLUE one and I am thrilled that it has decided to NEST in my little RUSSIAN BIRD HOUSE.

Yours Chirpily

Celia

p.s.

I would be thrilled if my dear ladies and occasional gentleman would care to read my book, written in collaboration with my dear friend. Available as an ebook (how exciting) and a paperback.

For Amazon.com              http://www.amazon.com/dp/B01N9UOT2Yg

For Amazon.co.uk            http://www.amazon.co.uk/do/B01N9UOT2Y

Who would have thought that MURDER would have visited sleepy little St Urith Without Well and who would have thought that I would get involved and poor little Hirsute Roley.

Enjoy reading about the colourful characters who reside in our parish, set in the beautiful North Devon countryside

THE TERROIR OF GIN

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, I was casting my little eye over TWITTER and saw this interesting post from a dear occasional gentleman.

My RESPONSE was this

Within SECONDS I received this FOLLOW

Yours Hilariously

Celia

POPPY SEEDS IN THE LADYGARDEN

POPPY SEEDS IN THE LADYGARDEN! You may well ask my dear ladies and occasional gentleman.

A dear friend of mine asked me to make up the numbers in her soap workshop, ‘lovely’ you might think and you’d be right. I partnered a lovely young woman who chose lemon and lime essence, honey and POPPY SEEDS for our soap, here is a picture.

It smells DEVINE , looks a little ODD but heigh-ho it has all NATURAL  ingredients and I know what’s in it.

In the shower I was surrounded by relaxing aromas and I started to rub the soap over my skin which felt like being rubbed by a ROUGH LIZARD

Once dressed and going about my business I was aware of a NOT unpleasant SENSATION in my LADYGARDEN. A couple of hours later I felt something SLIDE and BUMP down my leg escaping out the BOTTOM of my trouser leg and bouncing off my shoe. It was POPPY SEEDS.

WARNING! ALWAYS ENSURE A THOROUGH RINSE OF THE LADYGARDEN WHEN USING IMPREGNATED SOAP!

Yours Soapily

Celia

IMPECCABLE TIMING RONALD!

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman I am sure you will understand my feelings if you too have a husband, wife, partner or child with this ABILITY.

IMPECCABLE TIMING.

If I am watching a PROGRAMME or FILM that Ronald is NOT interested in he either reads his book, which is great or he will wander about, which is not.

When you have watched intently for the past 45 minutes and just at the point where the MURDERER/LOVER/PLOT whatever is being revealed, this happens.

“It’s really windy out there.” Or, “Hirsute Roley enjoyed his walk today she did a POO.” Or ” Want a cup of tea love?” Or

“Should I put sweet potato in my ratatouille tomorrow?”

All said whilst stood in front of the television!

Yours Testily

Celia

p.s. Book available as e-book or paperback from

amazon.com

A LITTLE BIT OF DICK!

IT’S PANTOMIME TIME AGAIN – OH NO IT ISN’T – OH YES IT IS, dear ladies and occasional gentleman, ST URITH’s is bracing itself for a little bit of DICK – WHITTINGTON that is.

It was dress rehearsal last night, oh what larks.

Gertie lost her (his) wig and grabbed a substitute that looked like a PINK BUSH that was distinctly in need of a good TRIM.

The DAME put his DRESS on and after I had pinned him in realized he had his VEST on underneath and he hadn’t put his BRASSIERE on!

With a complicated manouvre he extracted  the VEST without removing the DRESS, stuffed his FAKE BOOBS down his front and tossed his BLUE BRASSIERE aside.

Needless to say they DIDN’T stay in place during the rigors of THE SALSA. I think he’s learned a lesson all of us should adhere too.

BRASSIERE ON BEFORE DRESS.

Curtain up Thursday and under the gaze of ST GENESIUS let us perform well.

Yours Stagily

Celia

P.S. Exciting news the BOOK is PUBLISHED, my dear little ghost-writer friend has scribbled away as I dictated one of my little ADVENTURES. I do hope you enjoy my little ROMP in the CRIMINAL world. It is available on AMAZON, here is a link, I think? Celia
Celia Ladygarden

MELLOW LELLO

MELLOW LELLO, my dear ladies and occasional gentleman is just the right phrase.

Livraria Lello is the correct name for this wonderful bookshop.

If you are ever in PORTO,  do take the time for a visit, it is well worth it.

However my dears,  I would advise that you visit before partaking of any ALCOHOLIC BEVERIDGES.

The surreal staircases (think Harry Potter) are not to be tackled after imbibing LIQUID REFRESHMENTS.

I managed to ascend the first flight but on reaching that first SUMMIT. and having to decide to either turn left or right for the next flight, (I’m sure those stairs were moving) I FROZE.

Ronald who had already reached the top luckily peered over the balcony and spotted me on HANDS and KNEES, completely BLOCKING the stairs with a waiting group of camera snapping JAPANESE tourists behind me.

The only way was up and with Ronald’s support and eyes closed I made it.

I don’t think I can put all the blame on the PORT, I am just not very good with heights.

Yours Vertigoly

Celia

p.s. Thank you to all my dear ladies and occasional gentleman who have purchased my new book.

COSY IN OPORTO & A LUCKY ESCAPE

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, if you consider a little SOJOURN to OPORTO, you might consider a stay in the OPORTO COSY.

Built in the 190o’s it retains many original features, the optional breakfast is more than enough to keep you going through the day. Tea, coffee and wine can be served in your room but the best part of the GUESTHOUSE is the warm welcome and the service.

It is also great value for money.

Oporto is built on a hill running down to the river. The position of the guesthouse towards the top has a big ADVANTAGE, it means you can enjoy your, FOOD, WINE & PORT then WALK it off on the way back.

Yours Cosily

Celia

p.s. LUCKY ESCAPE, my dear ladies and occasional gentleman in the NEWS today was a story about a poor LADY who tried to drink her MINIATURE BOTTLE of VODKA on an EASY JET FLIGHT.

The flight attendants told her that she couldn’t drink it and even called the POLICE and asked for her to be ARRESTED.

Thank goodness the police had more sense and REFUSED.

I’m thinking that VERONICA and I were very LUCKY not to be ARRESTED when she FILLED Her WATER BOTTLE with VODKA & TONIC and I filled mine with GIN & TONIC and we took them on our FLIGHT to MORROCCO.