Trimming the bush of life…
COSMETIC CITRUS TART RHINOPLASTY
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman I write whilst looking like this…..
There was an INCIDENT whilst packing our bags at TESCOS checkout. This wouldn’t have happened if we had been in WAITROSE!
We had popped out for a quick shop and whilst at the checkout packing our bags, Ronald WACKED me on the nose with a BOX OF TWO LEMON CITRUS TARTS!
I am taking his word that it was an ACCIDENT.
Yours Nosely
Celia
PHYSALIS
Whilst shopping with Ronald, unfortunately TESCOS not WAITROSE as it was the closest; I felt in need of a little boost of POTASSIUM. So I popped into the trolley next to the ‘BLACK TOWER’ Fruity White, (fresh, smooth and fruity just like me) a packet of mixed dried fruit and nuts. Fairly innocuous I hear you say, well you would think so. Ronald and I stopped on the way home in a quiet spot and indulged ourselves and I must say it did leave a tangy taste in my mouth.
On arriving home as I went to dispose of the empty packet I noticed the ingredients, one of which was Physalis! To say I was shocked was an understatement, it doesn’t take a genius to work out the anagram!
I write this as a warning CHECK THE INGREDIENCE OF YOUR NUTS BEFORE YOU INDULGE!
Yours Tangily
Celia
I’m looking after little Dixon whilst Helen does her stint at the Bank. I wish she’d get a proper job. I haven’t told you about Dixon before because (and I know you will find this hard to believe) I didn’t know about him!
Helen has always been a rebel, I cannot tell you how dissappointed Ronald and I were when she took that job at the bank. We brought her up to be honest, caring and with a sense of duty to others and then she just chucks all her morals out of her double-glazed plastic window and worships the God of MAMMON. I’m so ashamed that I tell people she works in WAITROSE on the fish counter.
To get back to Dixon or to give him his full name Dixon Smokey Busta Romain he is a darling little boy and I love his little dreads with the little beads and feathers, so exotic. But I cannot tell a lie it was a bit of a shock when Helen turned up with him and his father Judge Otis Romain. Apparently he is not a magesterial judge that is his Christian name and I am presuming his ancestors invented the lettuce.
Helen explained over a cup of tea and a FRANGIPANE that they had met whilst she was on a course for the bank in JAMAICA about how to hoodwink and persuade customers to take out LOANS & INSURANCES. Judge has his own gardening business and is a specialist in growing CANNABIS SATIVA which I believe is HEMP. We have so much in common because I like to garden ORGANICALLY as well; I like to sprinkle HEMP on my breakfast cereal it is so good for the joints.
I think his mother and I share the same passion for knitting to judge by the colourful hat he wears. Ronald has even got used to the fact he wears it indoors. I am so pleased she has met such a lovely young man he brings the aroma of the CARRIBBEAN WITH HIM.
Helen says it was a whirlwind romance and they have bought (courtesy of the bank) a nice little smallholding with poly-tunnels so that Judge can expand his gardening business.
Helen left little Dixon with us so that we could get to know each other. She had left him some natural organic recycled muesli for breakfast but I gave him some of my friend Veronica’s foraged BLACKBERRY & SLOE GIN JELLY on his muffins. He loved it bless him but afterwards he was so funny as he staggered about on his little feet in the sun room giggling, until he finally flopped down on his Dunelm Mill bean-bag fast asleep. How Ronald and I laughed.
Yours Gigglingley
Celia
I hope you like the pictures of the finished SUMMERHOUSE. I think you will agree it is the perfect place for a lady to enjoy the good things in life and isn’t it always better in the open air?
I have decided with the help of dear WAITROSE, through the summer in my new garden residence I will be working my way through their GIN SHOWCASE. It starts with JUNIPER-LED GINS and I quote “Ideal for cocktails where the gin needs to shine through”. I will keep you updated.
Yours Happily
Celia
This week is knitting in public week,.So here I am in Tesco’s car-park measuring Ronald for a new cod-piece. “A cod-piece” you may query, we are not in 14th century England. No we are not but unfortunately Ronald saw a piece on Sir Ranulph Fines and he was explaining how anything exposed and sticking out is liable to frost-bite and may indeed have to be amputated.
Poor Ronald was very disturbed on hearing this information and shut himself in his shed cogitating . He came out 3 hours later, weaving across the lawn, with the strong smell of Bombadier and scattering crumbs from consuming a whole box of Tunnock’s Tea Cakes Est. 1890, shouting “Knit me a cod-piece woman”.
So I decided to combine the events: shopping (unfortunately did not have time to get to Waitrose), Knitting in public and because Ronald was too embarrassed to be measured in front of a car park full of interested shoppers, I measured a handy boy-scout scarecrow who was amazingly the same size.
Yours Knitting Publicly
Celia
Celia Ladygarden 
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