Tag: Writing

BACKPACKS!

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, why are so many people wearing BACKPACKS?

My AMERICAN friends, I salute your Dick Kelty the INNOVATOR of the BACKPACK.

BUT and it’s a BIG BUT he invented it for people who go HIKING or CAMPING – NOT for short BUS rides to PORTOFINO!

A SLIGHT young man, back bent backwards by the weight of his BACKPACK and his companion was standing on our crowded bus from the train station to PORTOFINO. Every time he turned to look at the beautiful scenery out of the window he TOOK THREE PEOPLE OUT.

A FEISTY Italian lady who was in danger of missing her stop had to resort to the traditional method of a SHARP BLOW to the back of the KNEES; bringing him down on his back like an UPENDED TURTLE.

I lost COUNT of the number of TIMES I was BIFFED, BASHED or SQUISHED by the DAMN THINGS. WHAT the HECK is in the FISHING things?

Even on the PLANE, it’s a STRUGGLE to fit my SLIM SUITCASE in the OVERHEAD locker with the BULGING, MULTI POCKET, METAL TUBED, PADDED STRAPPED BACKPACK.

WHO NEEDS a BACKPACK when wandering the beautiful City of GENOA, or meandering along the SEAFRONT of PORTOFINO.

I mean one is never further than a couple of feet from WATER, FOOD, ALCOHOL or a DEFIBRILLATOR these days.

A BACKPACK is APPROPRIATE for HIKING, CAMPING or EXPLORING in the WILD.

If you need a bag, why not a SHOULDER BAG suitable for EVERYONE.

When you are about to leave the house with HALF the HOUSE, ASK YOURSELF…….DO I NEED THIS LETHAL WEAPON ON MY BACK?

Yours Grumpily

Celia

 

P.S. ‘Celia Finds An Angel’

Available on http://www.amazon.com/dp/B07G68SX6J

or (UK) http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07G68SX6J

3

SUMMER NIPPLE ALERT!

SUMMER NIPPLE ALERT? Well you may ask my dear ladies and occasional gentleman.

It’s SUMMER and we are all wearing our SUMMER JEWELLERY.

The lovely silver BRACELET in the picture, nearly SLICED my NIPPLE off whilst I was sleeping!

REMEMBER TO REMOVE BEFORE BEDTIME!

Yours Nippley

Celia

4

HAVE A CUP OF CHA! – It’s National Tea Day

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman here in dear old BLIGHTY it is NATIONAL TEA DAY, so I invite you all to SHARE A CUP OF TEA with me.

TEA is consolation when you are grieving.

TEA is sharing laughter and fun with your friends.

TEA makes you feel better when nothing else works.

TEA is refreshing when it’s hot.

TEA is warming when it’s cold.

TEA comes in many guises.

TEA should be FAIR TRADE.

TEA who doesn’t love a cuppa?

This is a picture of my lovely mum and her lovely sister taking tea in the garden in the 1950’s

Just a normal tea for them but look at the teapot, hot water jug, bone-china teacups and saucers, plates of triangled bread and butter,  jam in a dish, sliced homemade cake and a proper tablecloth pegged to the table.

So much better than a teabag in a mug.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yours Tea-ily,

Celia

7

MOUSES MAYHEM & MUSINGS

MOUSES MAYHEM & MUSINGS, my dear ladies and occasional gentleman what a day it has been and it’s only 4.0’clock!

I had planned a full day of WRITING, interspersed with homemade SOUP and followed by a PANTOMIME rehearsal this evening.

Instead I heard a whoosh and DISCOVERED WATER from the DISHWASHER pouring into the cupboard under the sink.

At the same time I DISCOVERED MOUSE DROPPINGS under the sink.

Ronald DISCOVERED a MOUSE had chewed a HOLE in the DISHWASHER pipe.

Ronald went to buy a new pipe for the DISHWASHER.

I walked the two FURBABIES in the SNOW. We were about 2/3rds of the way around the village when the LEAD broke on our new little RESCUE Polly.

Polly was rescued from a PUPPY FARM and has LOTS to LEARN, like her NAME, RECALL, SIT, etc, at present her DEFAULT walk is to KEEP GOING.

The good news is POLLY is SAFE, DISHWASHER is WORKING, WATER mopped up, DROPPINGS cleared.

I’m TEMPTED to put some CHEESE down, I’d prefer they ate that next time.

Yours Mousily

Celia

0

SPAM-BOT ON THE LOOSE!

SPAM-BOT ON THE LOOSE!

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman who knew? I’ve never heard of a SPAM-BOT but apparently there is one on the LOOSE.

And it’s not Ronald’s DERRIERE after too many SPAM FRITTERS!

I have been BOMBARDED with new SPAM followers from a NEW BOT but the wonderful HAPPINESS ENGINEERS at WORDPRESS are working hard on BLOCKING them.

Yours Bottily

Celia

P.S. Just a reminder that this WONDERFUL book ‘CELIA LADYGARDEN AND THE CURIOUS CURIOSITY’ is available on AMAZON. It’s all about an INCIDENT that happened in our little North Devon village, of course dear ladies and occasional gentleman, I am the HEROINE.

img_2795

These are great short stories by my dear friend and co-author, also available on AMAZON.

Copy of Little Red & Other Stories (4)

0

NEW YEAR, NEW BABY!

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, as you may well have noticed I bypassed the ‘Season’s Greetings’ bit, I am sure that you had enough reading to do with all those Christmas cards, messages yada, yada, yada, without me adding to the burden.

But here I am wishing you all a very happy, healthy and prosperous NEW YEAR.

Here is the ADORABLE new addition to our family POLLY. She was rescued from a PUPPY FARM by the wonderful charity MANY TEARS RESCUE www.manytearsrescue.org/

FullSizeRender (2)

As you can see Hirsute Roley is being an absolute STAR as they get to know one another.

If you are thinking of taking a dog into your family PLEASE DO consider ADOPTING a rescue dog.

We saved THREE dogs by adopting Polly. Polly herself, her foster parents were able to take another dog out of kennels for Christmas and the charity was able to RESCUE another dog.

Polly is an ABSOLUTE POPPET, very quiet (except when I am in the bathroom and she has taken to sitting outside giving little barks) follows me around everywhere and is happiest either on my lap or next to me (or Ronald in a pinch).

We had not planned on sharing the MARITAL BED with two dogs but Hey Ho! Saves on HOT WATER BOTTLES.

Yours Doggily

Celia

 

2

LOGTASTIC!

LOGTASTIC! Ronald cried and no it wasn’t because the TOILET was BLOCKED, my dear ladies and occasional gentleman. 

Which was good because it’s raining and I didn’t want him stood out in the ELEMENTS with his HOSE down the drains.

No it’s because he had a load of LOGS delivered and that’s better than CHRISTMAS to Ronald. What is it with men and logs?

My dear friend and little ghostly writer and I are working on another book about my adventures in our little village in Devon, to be published next year.

In the meantime Glenda has published a book of short stories which would be a great little stocking filler.

Yours Readily

Celia
p.s. ‘Celia Ladygarden and the Curious Curiosity’ is also available on Amazon

3

A FURTLING IN THE LADYGARDEN

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman last night I awoke to Ronald A FURTLING IN THE LADYGARDEN.

It was 2.00 am and he’d let Hirsute Roley out for an EMERGENCY WEE, unfortunately he then wandered off for a SNUFFLE and Ronald  A FURTLING in the bushes couldn’t  locate him in the DARK.

He then stood up and decided to enjoy the wonders of the NIGHT SKY.


Yours Starily

Celia

P.S. Thank you to all you dear ladies and occasional gentleman who have bought my book ‘CELIA LADYGARDEN AND THE CURIOUS CURIOSITY’ written by my dear little ghostwriter friend Glenda Barnett, available on Amazon.com

4

Start a Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑